Crazier than Me

After some brief soul-searching... via google... I have found that I am not the only person with conspiracy theories on penguins. Except... these people could quite possibly be... freakier than me.

Subject number 1 - Penguins are really Otters in disguise

A conspiracy, which I think particularly important to tell the world about, affects not only me - it is the truth behind penguins. Think about it - an example of a bird is an eagle. An example of a fish is a goldfish. Birds fly and fish can't survive out of water. Penguins fit into neither category! It turns out that the makers of Penguin chocolate bars invented a mythical creature that was half fish, half bird to brand their product as. Before they knew what was happening, people accepted that penguins were real! Then began the great conspiracy to keep the invention of the penguin a secret. Isn't it strange that penguins live so far away where no one is likely to ever see one in the wild? The company even went so far as to fake encyclopaedia entries for penguins in old books! If you have ever seen a penguin close up don't be fooled - my theory is that they disguise otters in suits and train them to walk on their hind legs. There are many more minor conspiracies than this such as the JFK assassination, UFOs and Roswell, which have gained more attention. But don't be fooled. The truth about penguins could bring the chocolate biscuit industry down! Spread the word!

Subject number 2 - The Penguin Domino Theory (scientifically proven... therefore, not a theory any longer)

A mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots, stationed on the Falkland Islands, have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perheps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by. Oooooh! When the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a tennis match in slow-motion. Ooooh! Then the pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and fly over it. Oooooh! Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.

Subject number 3 - Penguins, the minions of the Goldfish... and a lame, random penguin joke *particularly funny because it has "Jeff" in it*.

I have a theory that goldfish are slowly taking over the world. We all know that the water levels are slowly rising, and science says it's due to melting ice caps, but someone pointed out that that is all part of the fishes plan. Who would suspect the innocent little goldfish? One day we will take over the world. Join us now or forever feel our wrath as the golfish DROWN YOU! and then the penguins and squirrels will feed on your insides. that's what the beaks and sharp teeth were really intended for.
I just found out that you have to live in L.A. or Antarctica to own a penguin, so now I don't know what to do.
HERE'S MY PENGUIN JOKE
This penguin lives in Antarctica and decides he wants to get away on vacation, so he travles to Arizona. Well he's driving along and his car overheats and breaks down(yes,this penguin can drive). Luckily for the penguin(let's call him Jeff), he's right outside a repair shop/gas station. The mechanic says "Sure, I can have you fixed up in a couple minutes." It's hot in Arizona and the penguin's not used to it, so he goes into the gas station and buys some vanilla ice cream. Unfortunatly, the ice cream's in a cone and the penguin can't hold it, so it get all over the front of him and now he's sticky and dirty. He gives up on the ice cream, goes outside to check on his car. The mechanic looks at him and says "It looks like you just blew a seal!" And the penguin says "Oh, no, that's just vanilla ice cream."

Subject number 4 is a 3 part series... so It will be a post on its own...