Well, it's been a little bit over a year since my last post on here. Since then I've finally become the wife of the best husband ever. My family has grown severely. 2 cats, 2 dogs, 3 ferrets and just the one turtle. It's a lot to take care of but I absolutely wouldn't have it any other way. I finally was able to get an iPhone recently... by that I mean less than a month before they announced the release of the updated iPhone which is this Friday. Go figure.
In what little spare time (inbetween husband/pet wrangling and trying to finish home improvement projects) it's been unanimously voted that I have indeed been up to no good.
I watched a news report a few months ago about how locals were using Craigslist for literally everything! Find a roommate, sell your ex-fiancee's engagement ring, rant about your mother-in-law or about the person who cut you off in traffic OR even find "that guy that you were checking out and you THINK he was checking you out while you were driving down the interstate on your way to New Orleans at 4:30 last Thursday". It's a phenomenon that while has been HUGE around the world, like most things, has been slow to take off in the Baton Rouge market. Curiosity got the best of me and I checked it out myself one evening. People are simply amazing and a lot of the time, quite amusing in how they choose to communicate with each other. I read one listing from a guy in San Francisco that was looking to liven up his mundane life by actually offering someone a 6 month employment term to "be his nemesis", essentially keeping him on his toes as he goes throughout his day. You could tell he had a very good sense of humor. This of course, is RIGHT up my ally as I have refined the art of deviant behavior and plotting; however, he was simply too far away to consider a response.
Every sock has a match out there somewhere, every quasi-villain also has their own do-gooder destined to stop them. Where is my do-gooder, why don't I have a do-gooder in my life? It's a question everyone prone to ill-behavior should ask themselves. I figured if this guy found his own personal villain, then surly I could find my own personal hero to spoil my plans.
I shared my somewhat-abnormal thoughts to a few coworkers who thought the whole idea was full of potential and wanted to join my quest. At the very least, we figured we would get the slightly insane people (that might actually think we are serious) and the few people that would get our sense of humor and provide some entertainment.
So one evening, after a few drinks of course, we inked up our own "strictly platonic" personal ad to post, complete with code names.
EVIL VILLAINS SEEK ARCH ENEMY
We are looking for a brave and heroic individual to attempt foiling our evil plans. I've personally studied the art of evil villainry via Amazon.com correspondence courses with books like "How to be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!!." and "A Villain's Guide to Better Living" and am considered by many to be an amiable foe. While most activities could fall under "dastardly deeds" there could also be the occasional destruction in general or plots to take over the world. When not conspiring our next big scheme, we could arrange for random acts of mischief, like switching your decaf coffee with regular, tying your shoelaces together or stealing your parking space. Goons/Henchmen are available to help when necessary. No we will not "accidentally" divulge where our secret lair is or location of the death ray we're building, you will have to figure that out all on your own.
Our villain team is comprised of:
The EVIL GENIUS/SCHEMER also known as "P-GWIN"- 25: the malevolent mastermind, she loves to show off her superior intelligence. Intellectual inferiors are contemptible to her and that includes just about everyone. Elaborate puzzles and experiments are her trademark. Don’t let her pull your strings – the game is always rigged in her favor. The lethal plotter, she devises the ruin of others. Like a cat with a mouse, she plays with lives. Elaborate plans, intricate schemes; nothing pleases her more than to trap the unwary. Has perfected her evil laugh *MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH*
The BLACK WIDOW also known as "Loose Screws" - 50: the beguiling siren, she lures victims into her web. She goes after anyone who has something she wants, and she wants a lot. But she does her best to make the victim want to be deceived. An expert at seduction of every variety, she uses her charms to get her way. Don’t be fooled by her claims of love – it’s all a lie. Often found with a wicked plotting look as she plans, muttering the words "peeeeerrrrfect" or "yes.... yeeeeesss".
The DEVIL also known as "Broke Jokes" - 24: the charming fiend, she gives people what she thinks they deserve. Charisma allows her to lure her victims to their own destruction. Her ability to discover the moral weaknesses in others serves her well. She announces her presence with a nefarious "Aghhhh, we meet again." even if it's only your first encounter.
Applicants should be 20-30 years old, have heroic/handsome physical features (this is mainly for the goons to become distracted while trying to stop you un-effectively... as MY alter-ego is a suburban wife) and MUST look good in spandex. Photo with cape recommended. Crime-Fighting experience a plus, the ability to fly not necessary. Serious inquiries only.
The results:
Besides the fact that my husband now thinks I've officially gone completely insane, no photos have arrived (yet) that make you want to shield your eyes or press the forward button. There has been only one kinda creepy response has come through, the others have been along the lines of... "Are you for real? If so that is HILARIOUS! Please tell me you're a real person." and "thanks for the amusement. I really enjoyed reading this". Nothing substantial has yet come of this adventure (although it has been nominated to the "Best Of Craigslist") but I enjoyed the opportunity to tap into one of my creative sides that I don't often get to use, pure imagination.
Someday... someday... one of my evil plans will be completely RUINED! Until then, I'm free to roam the streets of Baton Rouge. So watch out for stray banana peels.
