The One About a Hideous Kate Hudson vs Lord Waldermart

Last night I dreamed I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. After I checked out, I caught Kate Hudson in the parking lot ripping parts off my husbands truck. It was very clear that she wasn't in the right frame of mind with her wild hair and incredibleamounts of eyeliner and mascara running down her cheeks, mumbling about how Kate Upton is a worthless two-bit tramp. So I did what any logical person would do in a dream, I threatened to stab her with the only thing I had, a chopstick, if she didn't stop. Of course she didn't stop, she didn't even look up. She was completely undistracted from her criminal activities. So, I stabbed her with a chopstick.

That's when she went to snarling beast mode... a hideous daemon-possessed monster, climbing up walls like a spider.

I barely escaped the rage of the crazed starlet and ran back into the store, taking shelter in the stockroom, surrounded by mountains of undistributed products I couldn't find on the shelves earlier. I quickly stuffed a jar of Cajun Injector Creole Butter in my pocket and called the police. 

Meanwhile, the Tasmanian devil outside pulled a machine gun out of her kangaroo pouch and proceeded to destroy the Walmart*, much like we all need to admit we want to do when there's 30 registers and only 4 cashiers to run them. Then I woke up. 

Moral of the story is, Walmart must be destroyed, Kate Hudson probably has some deeply hidden underlying issues and my subconscious arms me with only a single wooden chopstick. Thanks a lot Subconscious. 

*no Walmart employees (or hapless customers for that matter) were harmed in the making of this delusion.