Home Sweet Home

I'm about to break about 20 hearts in a single sentence.

Chad and I are finally moving in together.

A house has been bought, just a few more steps (closing on the 8th) and it's the place I'll call home for hopefully many good years to come. Not many people can say that barely a year out of school they are capable of buying a house. I'm very proud of how far we've come. Yesterday made 7 years since the day he asked me to be his girlfriend as he was dropping me off at my first job. A committment made to each other under the golden arches, that has seen many trials. Thankfully, we've been able to overcome each and every one. I am more happy now than I have ever been before. Now before the questions start rolling in, no there still isn't a date and probably won't be for a while, I'll keep you informed though if the situation changes.

Now about the house. The basics: 3 Bedroom, 2 Bath. Just under 1600 Sq ft Living Area sitting on a large shaded corner lot in a very nice family neighborhood in Central. Brand new flooring, mostly wood but some ceramic tile, throughout. Every room has been updated/remodeled, such as new appliances in the kitchen and fresh paint on every wall. Large backyard with an above ground pool & privacy fence. We plan on getting a dog that wouldn't mind running around a bit, I've always adored collies (yes like Lassie) & golden retrievers. Of course, if Chad says no to that... I can always petition for the otters or maybe a dolphin to go in the pool. :D I've always wanted an otter pond.

So how about a tour. Starting with the outside.









The Living Room






Kitchen & Dining Room





Front Bathroom & Bedrooms






Master Bed & Bath






Lovely... isn't it.

The Me You See

The Me You See
By Cynthia Renee Daigle

Verse I:
Another day goes by
In a world with many expectations
Sometimes I just cry
When I think about what I am
And what I'm not

Chorus I:
Its the me I see that hurts
As I look into my eyes
I can only see my lack
And failure keeps me looking low

Verse II:
Without you, Im nothing
Without you, I am lost
I know that you loved me
Enough to pay the cost
But what have I done in return.

Chorus I:
It's the me I see that hurts.
As I look into my eyes
I can only see my lack
And failure keeps me looking low

Bridge:
A glance into the mirror
Doesn't show the pain I feel,
And all I see is a face staring back at me.
Yet I know that you love and treasure that face
And I realize you love the me you see.

Chorus II:
It's the me you see that counts.
As you look into my heart,
I feel your love surround
And I know its you I know its you
Its the me you see that counts.
As you look into my heart,
I feel your love surround
And I know its you that makes me whole again
That makes me whole again
That makes me whole,
that makes me whole again

Jar of Tears

Jar Of Tears
By Cynthia R. Daigle

Do you have a Jar of Tears?
Hurt collected through the years.
Unbroken glass with guilt inside
And other things you try to hide.
Unspoken words from the past
Cause scars that forever last.
Bitter memories, regrets, and shame;
You think you are the one to blame.
Lost and alone, your soul is bound.
Your broken heart lies on the ground
Nothing seems to stop the pain.
Your salty tears fall like rain.

Can I see your Jar of Tears?
Precious jar you hold so dear.
Can I look into your pain?
Would I understand your shame?
I want to see your tears of sorrow.
Regrets from yesterday
Fears of tomorrow.
I want to look into your eyes
To see the pain you try to hide,
To know the reasons why you cry.

Can I hold your Jar of Tears?
Take away your doubts and fears.
Can I throw it to the ground?
The shattered pieces can't be found.
To give you the rest and peace of mind
Your weary soul seeks to find.
Your fear grows weak,
Your heart grows strong
I know it won't be very long
Until I hear you call My name.
You'll fall into My arms again.
You know I will be there for you,
To break your Jar of Tears in two.

Just Breathe Another Day

I sometimes choose to put my very private thoughts in a very public place. It's a direct conflict of interest, but it's my way of letting go of those feelings that otherwise never escape. It's also an opportunity for the world to know how I truly feel, if the world cares enough to take the time to find out.

There is a re-occuring theme in my life, loosing the people I love the most. People move on, and so should I. We are all but a phoenix rising, living, dying, being reborn. We live this pattern over and over through our experiences. The transformation is both tragic and beautiful. My current state is somewhere inbetween dying and being reborn.

I realized that I was going through a grieving process... which can be summarized by:
shock, pain, panic, guilt, anger & hostility, inability to function, reconciliation of grief, hope.

This morning, I ate an apple. You might think this is something mundane, but besides eating a slice of Katy's birthday cake on Sunday... I haven't been able to put down much of anything besides water over the last couple of days. I'm not sure where this puts me in the process, but I'm hoping that tomorrow, I'll be able to eat an actual lunch-like meal. I think that it's closer to reconciling.

Even in the midst of terrible events, I have SO MANY GOOD THINGS going on in my life right now. Life builds such amazing rollercoasters to ride at times. Not many people can say that they are in the position to buy a house just over one year out of college. Not many people can say that they have amazingly supportive and loving parents, who always have the best intentions, even if it does bug me from time to time. Not many people can say that they have a wonderfully supportive man in their life... there to dry every tear... even when they don't understand what's going on.

I want to say thank you to all of you, the very many of you, who went beyond the basic requirements of friendship to offer their comfort to me. Those of you who spent time with me this weekend to make sure I knew you cared. Even complete strangers spent precious moments of their time to give me incredible words of wisdom and peace, not even knowing exactly what was causing my pain. Here are some of the things that were sent to me in the past few days... quotations and very lovely writing. I felt compelled to share them with you.

__________________

"I had a motto that I asked God to help me with "Just breath another day". I knew the pain would take some time to ease and the confusion of understanding myself and what was going on would be even longer.... I just simply asked God to help me "breath another day" and bare the load for just one....more....day....." - Joseph E. Simon
__________________


A Silent Wind
Joseph E. Simon

Blown into my life
Like the wind from an autumn morn
I didn't ask for us to be friends
Nor did I wish for us to remain strangers
Did I open any doors for you?

I sin
I paint red doors black
I atone
I remove grace as my doormat

I'm grateful to know I'm human
Flesh
Blood
Sprit
Grieving is no longer a stranger
Sometimes staying longer than necessary
Making the day endlessly long

Sometimes caressing me in bed
When I can't sleep and tire of the pattern of my dark ceiling
She whispers over my heart
Bringing memories
Embracing my pillow the tears start to fall
My soul inebriated
I fall asleep
Often it comes
And will many times more

__________________

"For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11
__________________


This Evening
Joseph E. Simon

Your eyes
Brings peace into my soul
They speak loudly of your simplicity
Showering me with feelings I can't describe
I love looking into your eyes
I have found the man that I long to be from this child you stand beside
Hoping, praying you'd handle him gently

When you are sad allow me to take hold of your hand
Many have never reached my heart because I protect it so
You met me halfway and shared with me a dream
Your caring compassion helps me to forgive, forget and heal
A dreamer has awakened
You are the reason he lives

By grace I'm freely sharing with you my joy and happiness of a truly imagined peace

Laying my head upon my pillow I will pray until my last breath
That when days work has been done and I think of you, thoughts of Love shall whisper Hope from my heart

Thank-you

__________________

"My flesh and heart may fail me, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalms 73:26
__________________


Fallen Angel
by L'Ame Immortelle

I found you broken on the ground
From your mouth a bitter sound
That became sweeter as I approached
You in your deepest agony

I put you up and raised you well
And more than stories ever tell
I fell in love with you those days
And hoped that you would too

You've been a fallen angel
Ripped out of the sky
But as your wings grew strong enough
You left me - behind to die

We built up our own world together
For our future I assumed
I believed in what you said that day
But was already doomed

The more you've learned and grown
The less you cared for me
But I was too blinded by my feelings
To see the dawning agony

You've been a fallen angel
Ripped out of the sky
But as your wings grew strong enough
You left me - behind to die

You've been a fallen angel
Ripped out of the sky
But as your wings grew strong enough
You left me - behind to die

I love you more than I can say
And we will never part
You told me nearly every day
But still you broke my heart

As soon as you could fly again
Into the open sky
You left me without any reason
Back on this world to die

You've been a fallen angel
Ripped out of the sky
But as your wings grew strong enough
You left me - behind to die

You've been a fallen angel
Ripped out of the sky
But as your wings grew strong enough
You left me - behind to die

__________________

"I love you" - Chad

Current Location: Lost

Today I lost my best friend. We had a big fight and he threw me out of his life.

My dad sat with me and held me while I cried my heart out. I tried explaining everything through my tears and although he probably didn't understand a word I said... he understood me. It was the first time in a long time, he was able to be my dad. My mom stood by, offering her support and letting me know that I was loved. While they were holding me, trying to keep me calm and giving me much needed advice and comfort, I had some time to gather my scattered thoughts.

Many people have come and gone in my life, some important, some not. But there are those friends that change lifes entire course, that give you new meaning. They define who you are. Too often we pass by on opportunities to enrich our lives by stopping to say hello and when you meet someone for the first time, you aren't aware the impact they will have. You can't forsee the love that will grow for them. There are plenty of people that love and care for you, but their love means something so much more, it has such deep value that you wouldn't trade it for anything. It's unconditional love.

There are very few people that I open up completely to and this was someone that I could talk to about anything, who's opinion meant everything. When I was frustrated, when I was happy, when I had good news, when it was bad, when it rained, when I was bored, when I was half-asleep which is most of the time. I treasured this person with all my heart. He knew my every dream, my every passion, he understood me. There have been very few people to completely understand me. Loosing him has torn my heart into pieces, my spirit is completely drained. Why is loosing someone so hard? Why is it so hard to let go of someone? How does anyone who truly loves someone ever let go of them, is it even possible? You live life knowing that you will suffer loss, what makes some people much more capable of withstanding it than others. I know I tend to be sensative concerning such things and I've felt this pain before, but never so deeply. never.

...my world seems to be stopping. I wish it would stop. Then maybe I could get a few moments of blissful silence in my head. Even that would never bring me true peace, and the truth is, I can't hide my breaking heart no matter how hard I try. So world, continue to revolve while I sit here a while and try to figure out what happened.

Finding Peace Within

An Angel's Lament
By Cynthia R. Daigle
2000

Verse I:
You sit alone and cry
Wondering why
Your world is falling to pieces
Incomplete, undeserving
Just one part of the world that's hurting
Your world is falling to pieces

Chorus I:
Falling to pieces
Your hopes and dreams are thrown into the wind
Falling to pieces
I pray someday you'll be made whole again

Verse II:
Broken hearts, distant dreams
Nothing is as it seems
Your world is falling to pieces
Your feet are bound, your hands are tied
While others give you despairing lies
Your world is falling to pieces

Chorus II:
Falling to pieces
Don't give up, the Lord knows where you've been
Falling to pieces
I pray someday you'll be made whole again

Bridge:
God can calm your troubled waters
And dry your weeping eyes
He can fix your broken pieces
Let Him change your life

Chorus III:
Falling to pieces
I'll be there to watch over you, until you're
Falling to pieces
Into the arms of He who loves you
Into the arms of He who loves you
Into the arms of He who loves you



Always There
By Cynthia R. Daigle
2001

Verse I:
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
You think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
But there is One who will love you
Until the end of time
You're His child, He's your Father
You're the apple of His eye

Chorus:
He is always there for you
With arms wide open
And a love you've never knew
Just call His name
And He'll be there to
Take away your pain
For He's always there for you

Verse II:
Still your nights are filled with sorrow
And yoru days are filled with pain
Knowing that tomorrow
Could be just like yesterday
But there is One who will love you
Until the end of time
One day you will hear Him say
"Child, You are mine."

Chorus X 2

Stuck in My Head

Some lyrics from one of my very favorite bands that I can't seem to get out of my head:

A Fairy Tale (Worlds Collide) - Plumb

We never talked about it
Cause you never even cared
And what you really wanted
I never even had
Cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that its not enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide

Together we seem perfect
A fairy tale for show
And looking on the outside
You'd never even know
We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that its not enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us (I'm losing us)
When worlds collide


Without You - Plumb / Beautiful Lumps of Coal

I said some things,
to you I think that
I shouldnt've said
I spoke out of turn,
and hurt you
I've learned that
it hurts me back

Oh what could be worse than,
Me losing you...

What if you, never came back
What would I do without you

I got in the car,
I turned on the lights
and the radio
I drove really fast,
and I cried hard,
then you know

Oh where were you, and why did I
say those things?

What if you never came back
What would I do, without you... here

Is there anyway you can forgive
me for what I've done
Is there anyway you could love me still,
for being so...wrong

Can you forgive me
Can you forgive me...

What if you never came back...
What would I do without you here
Without you here
Without you here

JULY!

YAY! It's July... I had a great holiday weekend. My birthday went great, thank you all for the warm wishes. I partied most of the time, except for July 4th, time spent with my wonderful family. I watched the American Hot Dog eating championship which is always an inspiration for interesting quotations such as:

"He's the greatest eater America's ever seen."
"and now 'Bob' it really comes down to Hot Dog Management"

The latter quotation hilarious if you've ever seen me watch a basketball game or even better a football game where the clock handler just seems to be dozing off and letting precious seconds run off. Doesn't matter which team it benefits, it's a huge problem for me. I get really irritated.

Then we at a very nice lunch, watched the launch of the space shuttle... amazing to see something going at the speed of over 5,000 MPH. It's very surreal and I doubt such things will ever get old for me. The evening was nice and quiet and I snuggled up for some movies.

SO now's the time where I get to show you what I've been working on the entire month of June. Hotness... but it was hell getting there.

FIRST OFF: Poor SUSAN... she had to deal with this thing called a list. The word has been banished from her presence. BUT, it's the Baton Rouge Sizzle List... and voting (online) on it can win you DINNER FOR 12 at the acclaimed LOUISIANA LAGNIAPPE restaurant. Do it... because I can't. Then win... and invite me! YAY!
Click here to launch a new window with InRegister's website... then click on the button that reads "Vote On The Sizzle List".

a. because I made this button
b. because it loves to be clicked.

SECONDLY: Poor ME... was subjected to Kiki & Kate Koupons. I had to make almost every single one of these boogers. My suffering is for all you SHOP-a-hawl-licks out there, do not let it be in vain. There are some really fantastic ones... particularly if you enjoy high end fashion for... a discount.
Click here to go directly to the Koupons page.

Oh yeah in the midst of all this... we put together a magazine. Simply click on the Magazine Cover and it will automatically open a new browser window... and you will be able to view the entire issue.



This months list of adds is considerably shorter (my sanity is grateful for such):

PG 15 - Houmas House
PG 21 - Amies Boutique
PG 22 - Welsh's Boutique
PG 25 - Frock Candy

Beginning on PG 35 and to the end of the Magazine, the pages laid out completely by myself (prior to PG 45 there might have been something laid out a head of time and dropped in by Susan)

PG 41 - Eduardo J. Jenkins (he's a simple man, most of the time)
PG 42 - Jean's Window Covering (anything but simple)
PG 48 - Smell Goodies (and trust me... the place does smell good)
PG 55 - Mosquito Blasters
PG 56 - InRegister.com
PG 60 - Kiki & Kate (friggin Koupons)
PG 62 - LSU Rural Life Museum & Homewatch Caregivers
PG 63 - InRegister Subscription Ad
PG 66 - R&D Builders

*gags*

... so basically... this is a message for the welfare of the general public. French fries DO NOT taste good with strawberry jam on top.

And to Strawberry Jam packet designers... YOU SUCK... trying to make it look like ketchup. WELL ARE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU GOT ME?!?

Caroline

For a Friend:

Where do I begin?
Theres so much I want to say to make it easier
Tomorrows on its way
Do you believe I want to take your painful memories?

I know you want to run away
I know that you cant see tomorrow

Caroline, let me wipe away your tears
and give you life,
Make you feel beautiful again
Caroline, dont throw it all away
Im here tonight
to take away your pain.

Yesterday is gone
and everything that made you cry has fallen to the ground
Im here to bring you home, I will always take you back
You havent let me down

I know you want to run away
I know that you cant see tomorrow

Caroline, let me wipe away your tears
and give you life,
Make you feel beautiful again
Caroline, dont throw it all away
Im here tonight
to take away your pain.

And when youre feeling all alone and you cant go on,
Remember I am here
And when you think youve gone too far,
Ill meet you where you are
My arms are open wide

- Seventh Day Slumber