Spiders and SI

I can't sleep... about an hour ago I was lying in bed when I felt something crawl across my body. It ended up being a spider at least an inch in diameter. If there has one thing on this earth that has the ability to easily un-nerve me, it's bugs. It took everything I had in me to grab something to kill it with and go for it. The alternative was to let it crawl away, then I would be left wondering when it was going to come back to get me. So I finally swatted it and it's body was crumpled up right in the spot where I sleep. Nice.

Sure, it's dead... but I can't touch those sheets until they are washed. So I've been killing time reading the pile of Sports Illustrated I've been letting grow due to lack of time or interest in reading them. Off the top was the Swimsuit edition. Body paint swimsuits are getting old... so are pictures where there is actually no swimsuit, yet there's a little write up on how much the swimsuit (you can't see) cost. I can appreciate the beauty of the human body as an artist, the way the lights and colors create interesting forms, so as a girl this issue doesn't offend me, but more importantly this edition is valuable to someone like myself because they always manage to come up with some swift advertisments.

Jack Daniels is a mans aromatherapy, I've now voted for Mr. Peanut's new look online, and I have seen a 30 Million Dollar swimsuit. More interesting to me than all these things was the Only Vegas ad... which has a section of scratch offs on it. Very clever for people like myself who get excited about bubble wrap and scratch off stuff.

The premise is, there are three columns. 1. Name 2. Profession 3. Home. Combine what you scratch off as your identity while you are in Vegas, because now we all know What happens there, stays there unless your last name is Spears and your first name is Brittney.

I will list the randomly scratched off combinations in order of their appearance:

1. Cindy (YES that was the first one HA). I'm a rap mongul (gulf coast playa) from Venus.

2. Bambi (HA and that's my alter-ego when you call the 1-800 ..). A living legend from Mars.

3. Topher (sorry Chris, I'm borrowing your name). An underwear model from the North Pole (goood combination there).

4. Candy is a lead singer from Tokyo

5. Brock. a body builder from Zimbabwe (yeah that's not me)

6. Jenna. an exotic dancer from Havana

7. Thor the Philanthropist from Saskatchewan (lol they had Thor on there... nice)

8. Nigel the Sultan of Fiji

9. Destiny the Kung Fu Master of Liechtenstein

10. Sigmund the Lumberjack of Kansas (I don't think I have to explain how realistic that one is)

11. Norm the famous Hand Model of Transylvania.

12. Marsha. A double agent from Detroit.

Man that was great... now I have to go shake off all the little flecks. Hope you're getting more sleep than I am.