The One About a Hideous Kate Hudson vs Lord Waldermart

Last night I dreamed I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. After I checked out, I caught Kate Hudson in the parking lot ripping parts off my husbands truck. It was very clear that she wasn't in the right frame of mind with her wild hair and incredibleamounts of eyeliner and mascara running down her cheeks, mumbling about how Kate Upton is a worthless two-bit tramp. So I did what any logical person would do in a dream, I threatened to stab her with the only thing I had, a chopstick, if she didn't stop. Of course she didn't stop, she didn't even look up. She was completely undistracted from her criminal activities. So, I stabbed her with a chopstick.

That's when she went to snarling beast mode... a hideous daemon-possessed monster, climbing up walls like a spider.

I barely escaped the rage of the crazed starlet and ran back into the store, taking shelter in the stockroom, surrounded by mountains of undistributed products I couldn't find on the shelves earlier. I quickly stuffed a jar of Cajun Injector Creole Butter in my pocket and called the police. 

Meanwhile, the Tasmanian devil outside pulled a machine gun out of her kangaroo pouch and proceeded to destroy the Walmart*, much like we all need to admit we want to do when there's 30 registers and only 4 cashiers to run them. Then I woke up. 

Moral of the story is, Walmart must be destroyed, Kate Hudson probably has some deeply hidden underlying issues and my subconscious arms me with only a single wooden chopstick. Thanks a lot Subconscious. 

*no Walmart employees (or hapless customers for that matter) were harmed in the making of this delusion.

The One About Pandas and Penguins

I'm going to start posting my dreams more often because seriously, you people shouldn't miss out.

Last night I was with my friend Adriana at her parents house celebrating the 4th. I believe they live in Phoenix but in my subconscious they live in a house, way out in the middle of the desert, completely by themselves. Her entire family is there and apparently they all drive late model Cadillacs. There were 95 of them, by my count, all parked along the deserted road.

We were all just sitting around after a huge lunch, some Secret Service agents busted through the door and started confiscating all her stuffed Pandas. She was very upset, crying on the floor. Her pandas are a huge deal to her. So, I grabbed a large kitchen knife and started to jab at them but every time the knife just slipped through. Not like they were ghost, more like they were from the Matrix.

I got so frustrated that I couldn't hurt the dirty thieves that I woke myself up from the dream altogether. It was taking a while to fall back asleep so I checked into a few social networks. I saw this photo

of my friend winning a giant stuffed penguin at an amusement park in Ohio. Little did I know that when I would finally fall back asleep hours later, that I would start dreaming the same exact dream.

Out in the desert. 95 Cadillacs. Secret Service agents.

Except this time. It was penguins. Of course.

New Artwork for Sale

I've decided to start selling some artwork. Most of you know, that's not something I do... ever... because I usually only create things because I want to and/or to gift to a friend or loved one, but every wall in my home has something on it and my office closet is full. So I will start with the big piece taking up the space on my easel. It is 4ft x 3ft oil on stretched canvas. It has painted edges so it can be hung as-is or framed. This piece will still need to be varnished about 9 months from now as oils need 9 months to a year to cure enough for varnishing. I've also uploaded some close ups to show more accurate color. If you are not local, please be aware that it WILL need to be varnished, both for protection and to achieve even gloss. Some framing shops offer this service; however, if you are local I will do it for you. I am asking $800. Contact me if you are interested.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelsutiger/9209113379/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelsutiger/9211895942/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelsutiger/9211894682/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelsutiger/9209112391/